i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
