you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
