Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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