Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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