he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
