He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
