I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
