Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
