I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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