Pappa wants mamma naked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh god it's open bar.
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