I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
