I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
