you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
