I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
