her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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