but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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