dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize