after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize