Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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