I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
