I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
