Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
