remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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