gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
