my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
