No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
