I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
