so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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