I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
