I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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