My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize