Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
