STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
