I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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