i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
