That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize