He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
