Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
