i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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