i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
