Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
