You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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