I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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