My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
