the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
