Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
