just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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