just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
