I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
