she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
