Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
