thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
