One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
