I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
