remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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