so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
