Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
