wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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