I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
