My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
