my phone needs a breathalizer
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
