some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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