I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
