There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
