Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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