I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
