He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
