He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
