so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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