Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm getting married
To pizza
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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