when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
